i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
sarcasm needs its own font
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize