i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
