Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
