you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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