I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
