am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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