we have pet lesbian snakes
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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