The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
