dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The feeling are messing with the penis
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
