My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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