It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
