I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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