I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
