My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
