Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
