Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Randomize
