In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
