I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
