Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
