you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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