went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
