Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
