You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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