Need sex. Gaining weight.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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