If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize