Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
