is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
