Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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