You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
