I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
