if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize