It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
