so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
