you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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