i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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