Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize