i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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