end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
