i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
