It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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