why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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