Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
