we have officially lost it.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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