I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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