I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
