Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
