I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
