shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
