Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
