yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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