weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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