You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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