dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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