Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
