good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
this just has baby written all over it
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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