Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Dear god my vagina.
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