Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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