I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Everclear isn't food dammit
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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