my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
