i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
