She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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