My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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