I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
