Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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