i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
