I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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