do herpes really smell.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
