Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
