I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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