You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize