i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
