when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
