Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
