he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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