you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
