I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
