Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
